I hate clocks.
I didn’t used to, not until I accidentally saw my father bring a strange, beautiful woman home.
After quietly calling my mother over, we sat in silence, staring at the living room clock, counting how long they stayed inside. That was until the woman slipped out of the room, meeting our gazes.
Every time I see a clock’s hands move, my body feels like it’s sinking into a sticky swamp, as if I’m back in that moment, sitting on the sofa with my mother, whose emotions were slowly draining away, enduring that agonizing wait.
Tch, better not think about it. It’s finally New Year’s—there’s no need to dwell on old, painful memories.
Sitting on a plush blanket on the floor, I propped my elbows on a sturdy folding table in front of me, stretching out my legs clad in black stockings. Under the table was a small electric heater, keeping me nice and warm.
The heater was a gift from Gu Fan a few days ago. He said he thought I got cold easily, so he bought it for me.
At first, I wanted to treasure it, treating it like a collectible, occasionally admiring it. But at Gu Fan’s insistence, I started using the practical little heater, hoping I won’t break it.
Glancing at the clock, it’s not even eleven yet. There’s still over an hour until midnight—plenty of time.
I slumped onto the table, absentmindedly picking at my pink nails. My toes accidentally brushed the heater, and the warm sensation spread through my body, making my cat tail shoot up.
The downside of being so sensitive is that I can’t help but shiver when I feel too comfortable.
Since Gu Fan’s birthday, our relationship has been progressing slowly. At the very least, when Gu Fan touches my…
…he touches me way more often than before. Thanks to my subtle and not-so-subtle changes, Gu Fan has stopped being so reserved about teasing me.
I can often sense his breathing grow heavier when he casually rubs my cat ears or tail, even though he keeps his facial expressions well under control.
With time and gradual buildup, one day Gu Fan won’t be able to hold back and will do something naughty with me… I read online that with the right teasing, most guys can’t resist temptation.
In the warm, cozy atmosphere, I squinted my eyes. My long-standing habit of getting sleepy the moment I’m home kicked in. Once I slip into bed or close my eyes to rest, I can’t help but start dozing off.
Mmm… it’s still early. I’ll set an alarm first, take a short nap to clear my head, and keep myself in good shape. That way, when I call Gu Fan later to celebrate the New Year, I’ll make fewer dumb mistakes.
After setting the alarm, I rested my head on my arms, letting my drowsy thoughts envelop me, spinning chaotically like clothes in a washing machine, leaving me dizzy.
Gu… will he choose me?
Or rather, do I have a chance to become Gu Fan’s wife, to live with him, sleep with him, even shower together?
If we have kids someday, raising them together would be such a blissful thing. All the things couples do when living together—I want to do them all with Gu Fan.
Aimlessly daydreaming about all the things that could happen if I were with Gu Fan, every scenario ended with him finding some excuse to take me back to the bedroom—or even pulling the curtains in the living room and roughly holding me in his arms…
Half-asleep, I crossed my legs tightly, letting out a few unconscious hums. Shifting to a more comfortable position, I settled in.
“Will you leave Mommy?”
“Mmm… no, I won’t.”
“…Really? Or are you just saying that like your dad, promising one thing but secretly thinking about other women? You’re not planning to go with your dad and call some other woman ‘Mom,’ are you?”
“No way! I hate Dad for abandoning us. I don’t want anyone else to be my mom! Mmm…”
My voice, tugged by intense emotions, let out a raw, unsteady sound. That’s when I woke up.
It’s been a while since I dreamed about my mother… Almost every time I do, it’s set during those bleak days after her divorce from my father.
My usually glamorous and virtuous mother seemed to lose all her instincts for living. She stopped washing dishes, stopped cooking, and just stared blankly at our old family photos in their frames all day.
I wasn’t good at cooking either. To keep us fed, I could only manage instant noodles, but I was so bad at it that I’d always make a mess of the kitchen and dining table.
The dialogue in the dream was almost a perfect replay of my memories. That day, my mother sat at the cluttered dining table, asking if I’d stay with her, or if I’d agree to go with my father if he wanted to take me.
During that time, she kept asking me those questions over and over, like she was possessed, and it drove me to the edge of madness along with her.
Ugh… so annoying. Since they got divorced, why couldn’t they just leave me alone? Why did they have to torment me?
Thinking these absurd thoughts, I let out a deep sigh.
At least now I can earn enough to support myself. If Gu Fan needed it, with a bit of effort, I could support him too.
Gu Fan isn’t like my father, the kind of cheating man who abandons his family for a mistress. As long as I’m diligent enough, I can hold onto everything—money and my body—firmly in my grasp.
I clenched my fist, spacing out for a moment, then glanced at my phone screen. It was just a few minutes shy of the 11:30 alarm I’d set.
Should I wait?
With a quick glance at the clock that soured my mood, I abandoned the idea. I didn’t want to wait anymore.
I decisively dialed the number. In the few seconds waiting for the call to connect, my heart felt like it was on pause, until I heard a beep, and Gu Fan’s magnetic voice came through from the other end.
“Hello, is that Zhinian?”
“It’s me… Did I disturb you?”
I heard voices and the sound of a TV in the background.
“Nah, I was just about to head back to my room.”
Gu Fan’s footsteps were steady and strong. Even across the distance, my sharp hearing picked up the faint sounds through the phone, including the creak of a door latch.
“And I was waiting for your call, you know.”
“…Huh? You knew I was going to call…?”
“Hmm, of course. Don’t underestimate how well I know you, Zhinian. After all, we’ve…”
“…been childhood friends.”
Hearing the term “childhood friends,” I inexplicably pursed my lips. I used to look forward to Gu Fan saying that, but now I’m getting greedier. I actually fantasized about him saying, “We’re lovers, you know.”
Half an hour passes quickly. After casually chatting with Gu Fan about random things, the clock quietly ticked past midnight, and his blessing came right on cue.
“Zhinian, Happy New Year.”
“Mm… same to you, Gu Fan. Happy New Year.”
As I said this, I could almost see Gu Fan sitting across from me, gathered around the little heater, smiling earnestly as he wished me well.
I shifted from my lazy posture, straightening my back. My chest, which had been pressed against the table for too long, immediately felt gravity’s pull.
I balanced myself, sat up properly, and silently returned the gesture to Gu Fan in my heart.
“Here’s to another year of looking out for each other.”
Gu Fan’s voice came softly through the phone.
“Ah… yes! Please, let’s keep looking out for each other!”
Responding to his greeting with a bit of fluster, I let out a genuine laugh. The new year had begun just like that.