Do gods really exist?
Every time I get drunk, something unexpectedly good happens. Could this be a blessing from a god?
But I can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve such grace. I’m just a useless woman with no redeeming qualities.
I slapped my cheeks and shook my head, my cat ears perking up energetically. I glanced to my side, where Gu Fan walked with a straight posture, his steps steady and purposeful.
This path was unfamiliar to me since it led from Gu Fan’s house to school. Normally, I’d feel nervous or out of place, but at this moment, I was enveloped in boundless anticipation.
A fifty-fifty chance… In half an hour, I’d know whether I’d be placed in the same class as Gu Fan.
Hmph, if others knew how much I cared about the class assignments, they’d probably mock me.
Even if I ended up in a different class, I’d still find every excuse to see Gu Fan—maybe even convince him to skip class and hang out together.
But if possible, I’d love to be close enough to watch his every move, keeping an eye on any girl who gets near him. I just want to understand Gu Fan better, that’s all. I’m definitely not some creepy obsessive, okay?
Only by deeply understanding his personality and habits can I mold myself into the kind of person he’d like, seducing him and increasing his affection for me. Once we’re in bed, it won’t be up to his will anymore…
My tongue, with its soft, fleshy barbs, brushed over my lips. I swallowed hard, suppressing my growing desires.
I swallowed back the greedy desires that nearly turned me into a ravenous ghost.
The soft morning light enveloped my body. I turned my head slightly, quietly admiring Gu Fan’s face. The seed buried deep in my heart was fully awakened by his radiance, brighter than the sunlight itself. It burst through the hard soil, spreading wildly in all directions.
In the quiet of every late night after exams, I’d secretly imagined what it would be like to be in the same class as Gu Fan—maybe even sitting at the same desk.
Sometimes, I’d think so hard that my mouth would unconsciously open, letting out strange giggles. My cat ears and tail would sway freely, uncontrolled by my conscious will.
By the end, my cheeks and facial muscles would ache, as if I’d deliberately exercised those tiny muscles.
When I wasn’t paying attention, the clock seemed to spin at lightning speed. Lying on my bed, covered by a thick sky-blue blanket, I felt like I was sealed in a crystal coffin, waiting for a prince’s heartfelt kiss to free me from this vegetative state.
During breaks, wandering aimlessly with Gu Fan in the school hallways, chatting about trivial things—or even saying nothing at all, just quietly going to the bathroom together—was enough to fill my heart with contentment.
What others might see as insignificant was, to me, a treasure worth cherishing in the palm of my hand. The connection between Gu Fan and me was far too fragile.
I’m certain that if either of us transferred to another school for some reason, our relationship would immediately fade. Over time, it would be washed away by the river of time, disappearing without a trace.
The barriers of physical distance are, in some ways, even crueler than emotional distance. Isn’t that why long-distance relationships rarely end well?
Not to mention, in Gu Fan’s eyes, I probably don’t even qualify as his girlfriend yet…
My self-indulgent fantasies could lead to crushing disappointment. Having grown used to failure, I’ve already mentally prepared an escape route, but deep down, I fiercely resist those fallback plans.
No matter what, if I don’t end up in the same class as Gu Fan, my motivation to study will take a serious hit. It’s kind of funny—while other people’s grades drop when they’re in love, mine actually improve.
Normal students in school rely on things like shared clubs, classrooms, or dorms to grow closer to each other.
But I can’t even get along well with my own family right next to me. If I’m physically far from Gu Fan, I’m sure my courage would be worn down by the distance.
Unless something extraordinary happens, Gu Fan won’t seek me out on his own—I know this well.
Likewise, I know that if I go to him, he won’t reject me, but he also won’t cross the line into the kind of intimacy reserved for couples.
There are hugs, sure, but they’re so proper. It’s like he’s an instinctive actuary—without even looking, his body naturally maintains precise control over every inch of distance between us.
This polite treatment… I don’t need it.
What I want is to be completely enveloped, for Gu Fan to fiercely pull me into his arms, like he did this morning when he was still half-drunk, biting my cat ears, his cheek pressed tightly against my chest, his heartbeat pounding rhythmically, stirring my emotions into a chaotic mess.
I love this dizzying, intoxicating experience. In those moments, I feel like I’m sinking into an abyss of desire, where the fleeting fantasies hidden deep in my mind become reality.
My slightly hunched back stiffened, aching from maintaining an awkward posture for too long.
The ache in my back, strained from holding an awkward posture for too long, sent its complaints through the pain.
I blinked dazedly. Gu Fan was still beside me, looking down at his phone. Due to our height difference, I couldn’t quite make out what was on his screen.
While I was lost in thought, we had already entered the school campus. Looking ahead, I could see a crowd gathered around the bulletin board.
The paths around us were filled with students our age. Today was the day for grade announcements and class assignments, so there were quite a few people around.
I secretly watched Gu Fan, who was still engrossed in his phone. After weighing my options, I reached out and gently pinched the cuff of his sleeve.
“Hm?”
Gu Fan’s fingers paused on his phone screen, and his long, delicate eyelashes fluttered briefly. I looked up and found myself caught in the amber spring of his eyes.
“What’s up?”
“There are… a lot of people. I’m worried you might bump into someone if you’re not paying attention, so I thought I’d guide you a bit.”
I lowered my gaze with a hint of guilt, but my fingers didn’t let go of his sleeve.
In the past, I always walked through crowds alone, often watching couples chatting closely or friends laughing with their arms around each other, while I could only look on silently. A quiet sense of loneliness and uncertainty would flow through my heart.
But now, there was someone by my side—someone I knew well and cared for deeply. Naturally, I wasn’t willing to let him go so easily.
“Let’s hurry. The bulletin board’s going to get even more crowded soon. We should check it and leave.”
I thought to myself, but as we got closer to the bulletin board and the space around us grew tighter, I had to let go of his sleeve to give Gu Fan more freedom to move.
“Um… I have something to take care of. Can you squeeze in there on your own, Zhinian? Or maybe we should wait until the crowd thins out a bit?”
Gu Fan waved his phone lightly. I hesitated, glancing at the dense crowd around us, and reluctantly suppressed my eagerness. Nodding, I agreed to his suggestion.