“What else?”
” ………..?! “
Uwah! Why did I say what I was thinking out loud?!
Gu Fan halted his steps and looked down at me in confusion.
I struggled to control the excessive panic in my cat ears and tail behind me, forcing a bitter smile.
“Uh, I meant, maybe Gu Fan didn’t have enough for lunch? That box of noodles really didn’t look like much, and Gu Fan, you have a big appetite, right? I’ve seen it, you know—you need a bowl of rice packed tight just to fill up. And, and, it’s so hot today, I saw the back of your school uniform soaked with sweat. Why don’t I take you home to shower first? Ah… I swear I won’t peek, I’m not that kind of shameless girl, you can trust me! As for clothes, we could go buy a shirt and some loose sweatpants now. If you don’t like my place, we could go to a bathhouse instead. But no special services! I’ll be watching you closely.”
“……Then, Zhi Nian, why not treat me to a cup of milk tea first?”
Gu Fan patiently listened to my rambling outburst that made me sound like a madwoman, then lightly tossed out this one sentence, instantly bringing my drifting thoughts back down to earth.
Seizing the chance Gu Fan offered, I nodded, letting him lead me toward a nearby milk tea shop…
The honeydew milk tea was so sweet it almost made me dizzy. Usually, I’d only take a few sips before needing to pause, but at this moment, staring at my childhood friend sitting right across from me with his eyes lowered to his phone, I gulped down the cold drink with abandon, my mouth so chilled it felt like I could spit out ice cubes.
Thankfully, my period was over, or I wouldn’t have had the chance to enjoy such sweet milk tea. Normally, when I go out with Gu Fan, I always order warm red bean milk tea, which is more suitable for me.
Now that the weather’s gotten hot, and I’m not limited by my period, I finally dared to try this honeydew flavor the staff recommended.
Gu Fan’s cup was Yang Zhi Gan Lu. I’d never tried it. Every time he buys milk tea, he picks a different flavor for himself. According to him, it’s about seeking novelty—he’s only interested in things that feel fresh and new.
I never planned to interfere with his choices, but what bothers me is… does he see romantic relationships the same way?
It’s not like we’re proper lovers anyway, and jumping from drinking milk tea to talking about relationships is a bit of a stretch, but I can’t help feeling anxious and uneasy.
In some sense, I really am the type to overthink things, to self-sabotage. If I never got the chance to be with Gu Fan, I’d probably end up giving him advice as a friend—warning him to never get involved with troublesome catgirls like me, and to stay as far away as possible.
If he ever got entangled with someone like me, his life would never know peace…
The sweet honeydew juice in my mouth suddenly tasted bitter, forcing me to stop chugging it down.
My mouth was so cold I could nearly breathe out mist. I could hardly even speak.
Looking closely, I realized the milk tea the server brought out not long ago was already less than half full.
Gu Fan, across from me, glanced up and was clearly startled by how fast I’d been drinking.
“Zhi Nian, is there somewhere you want to go? Are you that anxious, or just really thirsty? This milk tea’s still cold—don’t drink so fast, you’ll hurt yourself.”
“Mm, I know… I just think the honeydew flavor is really tasty, that’s all.”
I answered, feeling aggrieved. If it were Bai Niao in my seat, hearing Gu Fan ask that, she’d probably boldly confess: “I want to go into Gu Fan’s heart,” or say something like, “I was staring at you, Gu Fan, and my mind just wandered. It’s your fault—give me a warm hug and cheer me up!”
I really want to say things like that too, but I worry Gu Fan would think I’m too shameless, lacking any sense of decorum or femininity. Besides, I just don’t feel worthy of saying such sweet, syrupy words, or making those cute gestures girls are supposed to do.
If I hadn’t met someone as dazzling as Gu Fan, maybe I really would have spent my whole life hiding in the shadows, muddling through life.
For a moment, I imagined: what if Gu Fan hadn’t found me that day, all beaten up and hiding in the bushes…
A dimly lit subway car. A black-haired catgirl with a blank face stands in the center aisle, tightly gripping a handrail touched by countless others, her hollow eyes staring at her reflection in the window.
Maybe in that parallel world, my mind would be empty, without a single dream or desire, not wanting or craving anything, simply pushed forward by the adults in society.
At this age, I’m supposed to study hard… then, next stage, comes graduation and job hunting… then, when I reach my late twenties, it’s time to find a rich husband and get married, asking for a hefty bride price to guarantee my future… then, what? Even if I had a child, raised him or her to be healthy and strong, I probably wouldn’t feel much.
After all, I’d never see them as the product of love—just a responsibility every adult must bear, like the way my mother treated me.
No matter how mature or dependable I think I am, once you reach a certain age, willing or not, able or not, you have to step into that stage.
Without goals or support, I’m like a fragile leaf shaken from a thick branch, only able to drift along with the current of life, whether fast or slow, turbulent or calm. That’s what it means to go with the flow, isn’t it?
Wherever my mother tells me to go, I do as she says—like a soulless robot.
No, wait… even robots have it better than me. If something goes wrong, a little oil or a new part, and they’re back to full strength.
No matter how emotionless I try to work, I’d still eventually collapse, and resting would just drain my time and energy without ever restoring me to my previous efficiency.
Heh, the more I think about it, the more detailed it gets. It’s like there really is another me, living in a world without Gu Fan.
In this coastal little town, if you want to make more money as an adult, you inevitably end up heading to a big city like Flower City or Feather City to find work.
Maybe in that world, I run into Gu Fan every day on some subway line, maybe we even sat side by side before.
But we’re strangers, and even if our shoulders bump, we’d just apologize and go back to staring at our phones.
No… knowing Gu Fan, he’d have plenty of friends, probably always smiling as he dealt with girls who liked him. I’m the only one who’d be a useless, expressionless catgirl.
If I were to cross into that world with my current memories, the first thing I’d think of would be how to end my meaningless life as quickly as possible.
But then again, as long as Gu Fan exists in that world, I might be willing to linger as a shadowy ghost, trailing behind him and watching his every move, searching for even the smallest chance to become his girlfriend.
“Mm.”
A faint pain suddenly struck my forehead, abruptly breaking my thoughts and making me cry out.
Puffing my cheeks and rubbing my forehead, I looked up at my childhood friend, the culprit. His elbow rested on the round table covered with a pale blue plastic cloth, his chin propped on his hand, amber eyes—no matter the angle, always ambiguous—watching me with amusement.
“Spacing out again, Zhi Nian? It’s been more than three minutes. Were you thinking about something interesting? Won’t you share with me?”
I gloomily gulped another mouthful of honeydew milk tea, mulling it over and over in my head before finally speaking cautiously.
“I was thinking… If you hadn’t found me being bullied when we were kids, what kind of person and life would I have now?”
This wasn’t about romance, just an idle topic I could safely bring up, given we were still just childhood friends.
Gu Fan, surprised, raised his eyebrows slightly: “Actually, I’ve thought about that too. I even had a dream like that once.”
“Eh…? Can you tell me what happened in your dream?”
I cut straight to the point. What I really wanted to know was how Gu Fan saw me—would he regret not having me as his childhood friend?
But honestly, if I try to see myself through Gu Fan’s eyes, I can’t help but think I really don’t have any standout qualities—my personality, habits, conduct, hobbies, abilities, none of them are anything special. Maybe my fluffy tail is my only unique feature.
Mmm, if Gu Fan doesn’t mind clingy catgirls, then my habit of sticking close to him could be counted as a plus, but other girls could easily do that too. It’s not like it’s a natural gift like the ones I inherited from my mother.
So, I decided to just ask about his dream. It felt safer—better to play it safe and keep things as they are, holding hands and hugging now and then, soaking up Gu Fan’s warmth. That’s already enough to fill my heart with happiness.
Even if Gu Fan only makes up dream stories to please me, I can still trick myself by telling myself “It’s just a dream, after all.”
Dreams are a normal phenomenon. Everyone has weird ones sometimes. Even if the dream version of Gu Fan hates me, or I do annoying things in his dreams, that’s just real life chaos blending into our subconscious.
Gu Fan finished his Yang Zhi Gan Lu, wiped his mouth with a napkin, and finally started describing his dream to me.
“I don’t know if it’s just because the dream was too weird, but it stuck with me vividly. Even now, I remember it clearly. If I could draw, maybe I could even record those scenes.”
“What kind of weird? Did I do something? Did the dream me beat you up? Were you hurt? I really should find a way to catch her… or did I do something bad you didn’t want?” I hurriedly asked.
Gu Fan waved his hand, signaling for me to calm down, but his lips still curled up, making me a little uneasy.
“You actually guessed right. There was some hitting, and some mischief too, but it wasn’t as extreme as you make it sound.”
“So it’s true… Even in your dreams, I can’t behave. Always causing you trouble.”
They say dreams reflect reality. I’ve even seen fortune-telling videos online where the so-called masters analyze dreams and predict the future. Guests nod along, some even grabbing the master’s hands and weeping, saying “Master, you really are amazing! You’ve got it all right!”
So if I’m a troublemaker even in Gu Fan’s dreams, does that mean he really does think I’m annoying deep down? Why else would his dream self be tormented by me too?
“No, actually, in that dream it was me causing you trouble, Zhi Nian.”
Gu Fan shook his finger, firmly denying my theory.
“That dream happened the night after I went to the hospital for a check-up.”
“A check-up? Which time? Was it when I asked you to take me after we met again? Or…”
“It was the day we met on the bus. I told you, right? I used to go to the hospital for a check-up every month, and that time the doctor said my incurable disease had suddenly disappeared without warning. Since there had been a few cases like that before, they just gave me a free full examination, then told me to go home and rest.”
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