Chapter 22: In pursuit of freedom

The room was still warm back then.

The blazing sun shone through the curtains, creating tiny points of light that danced with the swaying fabric and brought in the fresh air.

“Hey! Li Mingshan, still busy with your thesis?”

“Ah, yeah.”

My roommate’s sudden voice pulled my attention away from the computer screen.

He jumped down from his bed and stared at my monitor with disdain.

“What are you writing? I don’t understand it at all.”

“It’s an analysis of literary works. You’d understand if you listened more in class.”

They were always like this, complaining that my work or my thesis was too hard to understand without ever trying to make an effort to understand it…

‘It’s just like back in my hometown. The questions the teachers asked weren’t even that difficult, yet no one could answer them…’

“Something like this? You wouldn’t understand it no matter how much you listen! I guess we just can’t compare to a potential honor student.”

“Well, take your time writing. We’re heading to the internet cafe for the night… you know how it is, right?”

“Yeah…”

Since starting university, I had learned the value of silence.

I no longer said anything to advise them to study seriously.

Because of that, I avoided getting into trouble.

However, my interpersonal relationships remained cold.

Just as I was refocusing my attention, *bang!* The door was suddenly slammed open.

What the hell was it now?

This was getting ridiculous.

“Li Mingshan! That girl, the belle of the Art Department, is waiting for you downstairs!”

“!?”

I immediately shut my laptop and ran downstairs.

The Art Department at Sucheng University was a place the school poured its resources into, composed of students with top-tier artistic talent.

They were highly valued as the country’s future artistic elite.

An Zhi was one of them—or rather, she was one of the most famous, a student at the absolute peak of both beauty and dance skill.

She once told me that she was born into a family of artists.

Both her parents were national-level dancers who frequently performed abroad, but she remained silent about anything beyond that.

Since she didn’t volunteer the information, I didn’t ask.

Since Senior Schoolmate Xu introduced us, we had known each other for six months.

Our relationship… was it close?

Only spiritually.

An Zhi was a low-profile girl.

Usually, we only met in the “An Zhi Exclusive” dance studio that the Senior Schoolmate had specially applied for.

This was the first time she had ever taken the initiative to wait for me downstairs at my dormitory.

Was there something important?

When I rushed up to her, she looked somewhat startled.

‘Why would she be startled if she’s the one who came to find me…?’

“Pant, pant—An Zhi? What’s wrong?”

I asked, gasping for air.

“…I have something I want to ask you. Can you… come with me for a moment?”

“Ah, sure. I’m happy you came… you can ask me anything, don’t worry about bothering me.”

“Is that so…? Heh~”

She smiled… it was a sweet smile that she wasn’t yet used to showing.

She was so beautiful…

Just looking at her felt like it could heal a soul that had suffered from neglect.

Unfortunately, when she noticed the students gathering around us, she reverted to her usual expressionless face and hurriedly led me away.

We walked through the dormitory area and arrived at our exclusive little space in the activity building.

After Senior Schoolmate Xu graduated, the school continued to reserve this place for An Zhi, considering her immense potential.

Although it was much smaller than a typical dance studio, it still had floor-to-ceiling mirrors covering an entire wall.

No matter where we stood, our reflections were clearly imprinted on the glass.

Now, she sat on the resting bench opposite the mirror, and I naturally sat beside her, maintaining a short distance.

Did she want me to accompany her while she practiced dance, as usual?

Or…

“Li Mingshan, what do you… want to do after graduation?” she asked.

“Uh, maybe be a writer? No, I probably can’t reach that high. I’ll start with some work related to writing. Then I’ll write an amazing literary piece, enter a writing competition as a dark horse, and win the championship!”

This was the first dream I had found to pursue after entering the literature department and finally escaping the bullying.

“……It’s so clear. You can definitely do it… I just…”

“Hmm? It’s okay, I’m listening. An Zhi, you can definitely hit the ceiling and become an internationally renowned dancer, right?”

It would be hard to find another person like her in the entire university… no, the entire city… or perhaps an even wider area.

Her starting point alone was already so much higher than mine, coming from the countryside.

“That’s not it!” she said, her voice uncharacteristically firm.

“Eh? It’s not?”

“……No, my parents have arranged for me to go abroad for further studies… but if I do that, I won’t… won’t be able to…”

I waited a long time, but she didn’t continue.

I didn’t press her, leaving her some space.

“Abroad, huh? That’s great. There will be better development there.”

‘I… I might never be able to go abroad in this lifetime.’

“That’s not it!”

she denied firmly for the second time.

“…It’s okay, take your time. I won’t leave until you’ve said everything you want to say.”

It had to be something important.

I could feel it in my heart as I watched her lower her head, her hands pressing against the pleated skirt on her thighs.

Her light scent filled the entire room, making me feel at peace.

As long as I came here, I seemed to possess infinite patience.

“I don’t know… should I go abroad, or… try to find a job? But if I do that, my mom and dad… they’ll scold me… they might even leave me all alone. The school advisor also said it would be a waste if I didn’t go abroad… my classmates are all jealous that I have this kind of opportunity… but…”

It was already not easy for her to be willing to say so much to me at once.

Had she specifically come to ask me because she was worried about her choices for the future?

“Li Mingshan, what… do you think?”

A hard sensation touched my fingertip.

I tilted my face slightly and realized that her small hand had moved close to mine at some point.

Her middle fingernail, decorated with glitter, was tapping against my fingertip.

No one’s future should be decided by someone else…

My answer was clear.

“What do you want to do? Like the question you asked me before—excluding all other factors, what do you want to do most?”

“I… what do I want to do?”

‘Why did she throw the question back at me…?’

Even though we should have the freedom to choose, we also had to bear the responsibility for that choice, regardless of the outcome…

I couldn’t bring myself to say such harsh words.

That day, until the sky turned dark and we were forced to leave the activity room at the reminder of the teacher on duty, I never heard her answer.

At that time, the distance between us remained only at the level of our fingertips touching.

Nonsense, how could I have dared to take the initiative to get closer to her?

I couldn’t be so selfish as to advise her not to go abroad…

No, no, what was I thinking!

Wasn’t it obvious?

No matter what choice she made, I couldn’t stop her.

If I had been a bit more proactive back then, would she have told me more of what was on her mind?

My soul, currently being whipped in a hell of pain, took a brief refuge in the beautiful memories buried deep in my consciousness.

My body was still freezing.

Both the walls and the floor only served to transfer an unbearable chill to me.

There seemed to be the sound of footsteps, along with the rustling of fabric rubbing together.

“…Li Mingshan? Why are you off work so early… ah, hey!? You found out…”

It was Su Xixia’s voice.

She was right in front of me, but I found it difficult to respond.

I didn’t even have the strength to show anger.

Then, I seemed to be dragged into the house and covered with a blanket.

My body, regaining its senses, instinctively leaned toward the object that could provide warmth.

That warmth was within reach; all I had to do was stretch out my hand…

No, I didn’t even have to do anything proactive to get it.

It was such a low-barrier warmth…

A warmth that I wouldn’t feel burdened by, a warmth that I didn’t feel I owed anything for enjoying.

Why was it still so warm after she had done something like that?