Chapter 53: Unidentified Flying Object

“Ugh, I played nice and treated you kids with love. Why do this to me? If you start living right, you think I’d post that stuff? That’d make me the bad guy.”

“Argh, ow!”

“Crazy bastard! You, a teacher, hitting kids? I’ll report you for assault. Ow!? This is at least 12 weeks of recovery!”

Kyoo-hyung’s nosebleed stops.

I can heal minor injuries, bleeding, and bruises.

“Wha—?”

“Go ahead, try it. Got proof? You’re not hurt, are you? A calf like you whining over a light tap with a rice cooker.”

“Where’d my nosebleed go? Ow!”

Whack.

Now he’s looking for his nosebleed.

I just nudged him with the rice cooker, but these kids are acting like it hurts.

Quit smoking, then.

It’s because you’ve got no stamina.

From my perspective, it was a nudge. If I hit for real, their heads would crack like watermelons.

No CCTV here anyway.

If they drag someone in and claim they got beat up, it’s a ridiculous excuse.

As long as no medical report comes out, I can heal and hit.

The world’s still more sensitive to students hitting teachers than the other way around.

“Kids.”

…

“Kids, not answering?”

“Why, what?”

“Can’t win, huh? Come here, sit. Let’s talk.”

“You’re not even a teacher, why’re you acting—ow!”

“You four can’t fight unless it’s a gang-up, weak as you are. Only Kyoo-hyung’s got some fight in him.”

Among Kyoo-hyung’s crew, two only know how to mouth off, not throw punches.

They bullied a chubby kid they marked as an easy target, telling him to fetch gym clothes. He fought back once, but couldn’t handle two-on-one and got beaten and dragged around.

Weight’s a weight class.

The chubby kid fought back bravely, but two-on-one was too much.

“Get on your knees, kids.”

“Why, sir?”

“Call me hyung. I’m done with teaching. And Kyoo-hyung, raise your hands.”

“Damn it, seriously. Ugh.”

“Wanna cut the cursing?”

“Stop telling me what to do. Can a teacher act like this?”

“You didn’t treat me like a teacher when I was one, but now that I’m not, you call me one. Want another hit with the rice cooker?”

I waved the rice cooker threateningly, and they flinched, leaning back.

“You’re extra guilty, so you’re getting more. I saved you, and this is how you repay me? Trash is more useful than you. Think that was an accident?”

“Gah!?”

Since I know it heals, I just stomped.

Gonna beat the hell out of them.

As long as I don’t kill them.

Never thought I’d use healing magic to dodge legal trouble like this.

“Ow, it hurts!”

“The more it hurts, the more human you become.”

“Crazy, ow!”

“Muscles grow by getting damaged and recovering through exercise.”

Manners are instilled through pain and recovery, leading to personal growth.

Like muscle training for etiquette.

Truly, a teacher’s grace is sky-high.

I impressed myself.

Had fun in a shady spot, but someone came, so I beat them lightly and sent them off.

They hit kids strategically to avoid visible injuries, so I did the same.

If they sue, I’ll use Confuse to make them sign a settlement, then send CatMan for revenge.

Cats can’t be sued, right?

[Those kids are real punks.]

“I can’t hear you, but watch your language.”

The main goal was walking RiceCookerMan to build affinity.

Didn’t expect to use him as an etiquette injector, though.

And right when we hit the one-hour mark…

“Huh? RiceCookerMan’s status…!”

Back home, RiceCookerMan starts glowing.

Is he overheating and about to explode?

<You defeated enemies with a spirit-infused weapon.> <The spirit’s true power is unleashed!>

“What? It wasn’t the walk…?”

[RAAAH, I feel the power surging!]

RiceCookerMan is actually awakening.

So it wasn’t the walk—beating people with the rice cooker met the evolution conditions?

[Yo, isn’t that gonna blow?]

CatMan quietly gets off the bed, crawling to the entrance threshold, out of blast range.

He’s finding his own trench.

Using my shoes as a bunker.

“Cowardly jerk!”

[He’s the cook, not me.]

“Rhyming? He cooks, you’re a crook?”

[Ugh, tsk tsk. The beat’s trot. No soul in today’s music.]

Animals need raising from birth.

Must’ve been influenced by that old lady—super old-school.

If he was a Marbly cat from a mala-tang shop, would he mimic teenage girls?

“Whoa!?”

The glowing rice cooker starts floating.

“Ascension? Princess, what’s wrong with him?”

“Uh… don’t know!”

So lively.

Anyway, RiceCookerMan floats like a superconductor, glowing and hovering.

“…If a rice cooker superconductor hits the news, will people believe it?”

Sadly, no Nobel Prize for me.

The glow fades, and RiceCookerMan comes to his senses.

[Finally, I can walk!]

“Isn’t that floating?”

Like an Indian yogi balancing on a staff.

Not a tail—calling it a tail is weird.

He twists the power cord to balance on the floor.

Like that tiger cub from my childhood, bouncing with a coiled tail.

“You’d win gold in a rice cooker gymnastics meet.”

Still tethered to the power strip, but balancing with the cord…

[Ha!]

He lands perfectly on my bed.

Can’t help but clap.

A rice cooker climbing onto a bed with a cord that can’t support its weight—it’s practically a carp’s ascension.

“Cool move, RiceCookerMan. Well done.”

[Thank you. Now for the high-altitude drop I’ve always wanted to try.]

“What’re you talking about?”

[Here goes. Rice! Cooker! Man!]

Like a Mexican wrestler crossing himself before a three-rope dive, RiceCookerMan jumps.

Is he protesting cooking rice by self-destructing?

“They tell you not to copy that stuff…”

[Ah! Five Star Frog Splash!]

…

CatMan knows too much.

Gotta block his YouTube access.

[Argh!]

Thud.

I saw this in a nature documentary.

Birds push their fledglings out of the nest to make them fly.

“…What’re you doing?”

He tries again, coiling the cord and jumping onto the bed.

[He’s nuts.]

CatMan, peeking from the entrance threshold, raises a paw and comments.

[Please wait. I’ll definitely fly!]

“I’m not waiting! Why do you need to fly!?”

[Because I’m a rice cooker!]

I want to tell him to explain why a rice cooker needs to fly, but I let it go.

An appliance climbing onto a bed to self-destruct…

There’s Buyeo (Sabi) not far from Baekje’s old land—maybe he’s honoring the spirits of the three thousand palace maidens at Nakhwaam.

That’s the only way I can make sense of this without going crazy.

They planned a Nongae Festival in Jinju’s Namgang to honor Nongae’s sacrifice—something like that here might be fun.

[Ugh, look at this guy.]

Fed up, CatMan gracefully leaps onto the bed.

This guy was at the entrance a second ago.

Then he jumps down like RiceCookerMan, landing smoothly.

RiceCookerMan just rolled.

[This is how you do it.]

[Are you showing me how?]

[Yo, I’m telling you how, but you’re not listening? Don’t get it? Like this—]

Why are they doing floor gymnastics here?

RiceCookerMan’s at a huge disadvantage.

“Hey, rice cooker.”

[Yes?]

“Why do you need to fly? You’re already floating with that cord.”

[I want to fly!]

“Why, though?”

[To go back to my hometown!]

Your hometown’s destroyed, that’s why you’re exiled here…

What, defecting north?

“No way, you’re staying here and cooking rice.”

If I let this thing defect, North Korea might develop superconductors.

Starting today, RiceCookerMan gets anti-communist education to drain the red out.

[I’m just for cooking rice…]

“Yeah, cooking rice.”

[…I’m that kind of being, but locking me up to cook without letting me chase my dreams…]

“Yeah, just cook.”

[I have dreams and goals…]

“Yeah, to make tastier rice.”

[…Right.]

“You’re a rice cooker, dude. Snap out of it.”

[Wait! If I fly while cooking and carrying rice, you could use me as a lunchbox!]

Are you nuts? A flying rice cooker lunchbox?

Using it as a portable container’s not a bad idea, but flying is outrageous.

“Nah, I eat out when I’m out.”

[What!?]

“So stay home and cook rice well. Got it!?”

[…Understood. I’ll make rice so good it’ll unite our leader and the Sprout Fairy in marriage!]

Huh?

“Good job!”

Come to think of it, the Sprout Fairy and the rice cooker spirit are a set.

Since CatMan and RiceCookerMan’s telepathy doesn’t click, do those two share a language?

The rice cooker’s from Kaesong, but the spirit’s from another world.

<Enhanced Rice>

Stamina +100, Intelligence +20.

Duration: 24 hours.

Since RiceCookerMan started springing up with his cord like a coil, his products’ effect duration tripled.

It used to be about 8 hours; now it’s 24.

As his abilities grew, he gained mobility with that cord—not a tail.

If he actually flies, he might crash into a window and fall.

[I considered normal meal times. Three meals a day in one!]

“People don’t eat every 8 hours for 24 hours. And doesn’t this mean you’ll have less to do?”

If rice lasts 24 hours, don’t you only need one meal a day?

I’ve been eating rice three times a day religiously.

[Gasp!? I’ve been undermining my own purpose?]

You just realized, rice cooker?

“Nah, you’ve got rice cakes and taffy to make.”

[Rice cakes and taffy? Heartwarming!]

Now he’s got a lewd demon in him?

Anti-communist education, now sex ed too?

Putting RiceCookerMan’s education aside, beating with him improved his performance.

If so, the rice drink should last 24 hours too.

If it’s a temporary dementia cure, it should last longer.

I was picking synthesis items to make a longer-lasting rice drink.

But looking at the eye-straining “Silver Coin, Silver Coin, Silver Coin” spam…

I’m dizzy.

The dragon lady left a ton of synthesis items.

Raising my Intelligence, I noticed the Blue Mushroom has a lot of stars.

Will it make blue mushroom rice?

But that mushroom…

Can I survive eating it?

It looks questionable.

While debating whether to use the Blue Mushroom or something safer like <Millennium Tree Root>, I found something.

“Huh, what’s this?”

Among the gold and silver scraps, something shiny was buried.

Digging through the cluttered item names, I found it.

<Memorial>

A Memorial surfaced.

A tool made by humans in that world to kill each other for levels, creating the ultimate warrior…

Treated as junk by the dragon?

Since I know the Memorial’s effects, I grabbed it immediately.

Heh, she thought this was trash?

Near a dragon’s nest, an eccentric set up a lab.

Cut off from the world, he lived in a basement near the nest.

He collected magical remnants or dragon-imbued natural items, experimenting and crafting synthesis items.

He rarely went to the village for supplies, living in his own world.

His odd yet extraordinary actions earned him the title “Sage” among villagers.

By chance, he gained dragon affinity and awakened to magic.

As the leveling world opened, he deciphered magical items with Intelligence, absorbing their levels and magic to grow stronger.

Then, robed figures visited him.

“A device to store magic for others? I think I can make it.”

Feeling the world’s impending doom despite his isolation, he empathized with their goal and crafted a recipe.

“What is this!?”

“For the world and the royal family.”

The sage who created it was subdued and butchered by a clumsy girl’s blade.

Dying, he resented her.

But as his breath faded and he became a vengeful spirit, he saw her head cut off by another.

:3

Well, they were pushed back by monsters, no choice.

But tools like the Memorial that melt levels involve coercion.

[If only the world were peaceful, without sacrifices or those forcing them.]

I feel the same.

I might be humanity’s strongest, but I need to eliminate those otherworld monsters causing this to prevent such tragedies.

With that, the “Sage of the Attic’s” grudge lingered, and the Memorial’s power began absorbing into me.