Chapter 72: Who Pooped on My Head? (1)

Ding-dong!

<Entering the final section of the Physiological Desire Hierarchy!>

My body was flung around wildly in the raging storm of mana.

KWAKWAKWAKWAKWA!

It felt like being swept away helplessly by a ferocious torrent.

Head, face, chest, stomach, sides, arms, legs; every part of me was battered as though struck by hundreds of baseball bats.

Then.

GRRRRRRRRRRR~!

It sounded like water draining down a sewer.

At the same moment, an unknown force yanked my body downward.

THUD!

A stinging pain shot through my rear. I had fallen straight onto hard ground.

I quickly scanned my surroundings.

Orange lighting brightly illuminated the area.

Smooth marble tiles and scattered white stone pillars.

A place reminiscent of a Greek temple.

A refreshing scent, like a mix of citrus and mint, faintly wafted from somewhere.

I pushed myself up with my hands on the marble tiles.

Then.

“Oh my, are you alright? Looks like you fell without even a proper landing roll.”

A greasy voice came from behind me.

A neutral voice whose gender was impossible to discern.

“No injuries, right~? You landed right on your butt. Must’ve hurt~.”

The tone was soft, with no trace of hostility.

Yet every hair on my body stood on end, goosebumps rising across my skin.

My instincts recognized it immediately.

That it was a man deliberately speaking in a feminine tone.

I turned toward the voice.

My eyes landed on leopard-print shorts that looked ready to burst and a golden belt buckle.

“…?”

Cognitive dissonance hit me.

I had definitely stood up, so why was my eye level aligned with the other person’s lower body?

Thinking that, I raised my head.

A huge man with thick curly hair and thick-rimmed glasses was looking down at me.

Soon I saw the Hawaiian shirt and the rainbow logo printed on the leopard-print shorts.

As far as I knew, there was only one person in all of South Korea with this unique character.

“HardBoiledPC, right?”

HardBoiledPC. Ranked 3rd among Korea’s A+ hunters by the Hunter Association.

The third strongest being on the Korean peninsula.

Over 2 meters tall, bear-like bulk, hands and feet as big as pot lids.

HardBoiledPC had the appearance of a giant.

And indeed, his actual medical condition was gigantism.

A rare disorder where excessive growth hormone from the pituitary gland causes abnormal bodily enlargement.

Born different from others, HardBoiledPC had lived facing discrimination and prejudice head-on.

Yet his mind was as sturdy and solid as his robust body.

A being who had endlessly trained himself to obtain both a powerful body and an upright spirit.

Someone who strove to truly embody political correctness through his strength.

The most righteous, kindest, and most upright hunter.

‘…or so the public says.’

However, there was one peculiar detail in public opinion.

He ranked 1st in a TV poll for “The Hunter Men Fear Most.”

The reason was…

“Ooooh my. You know me? Could it be you’re my fan? What a surprise~!”

Because of HardBoiledPC’s… unique(?) personality.

It was uncomfortable.

The masculinity inside me was screaming to run away.

Soon, HardBoiledPC laughed heartily and continued.

“See, everyone~? I told you I have male fans~!”

An irritated voice flew over.

“What nonsense. Does popularity even matter right now?”

Red eyes met mine.

Long, vivid red hair and a model-like slender figure.

A stylish crimson robe embroidered with the Red Mage Tower emblem.

It was Shin Sodam, the Red Mage Tower Lord.

Beside her stood the Swordmaster Cheok Junseong, expressionless.

I looked around further, but in this vast marble corridor, there were only us.

‘HardBoiledPC, Cheok Junseong, Shin Sodam… and me. Four in total.’

32 people in the Breathing Desire floor.

16 in the Hunger floor.

8 in the Sleep floor.

Now 4.

The number of survivors had been decreasing geometrically.

Could it be that only these four remained alive inside Maslow’s Tower?

I wasn’t the only one thinking that.

Soon, Cheok Junseong spoke in a grave voice.

“…Only four survivors.”

He stared at me intently as he continued.

“Effective combat strength is three, then. It may be too much to take down an S-rank boss.”

He wasn’t even counting me as combat power.

At that moment, Shin Sodam looked at Cheok Junseong and said,

“Hey, rock-head. Stop spouting crap about only four survivors left. How many entered earlier? Just the Association hunters alone were around 400, right?”

“Now that you mention it…”

“Now that I mention it? Bullshit harvest this year, seriously. Listen carefully. The inside of this dungeon is the same space split into countless dimensions. It’s a fairly complicated type of space-time magic.”

Cheok Junseong and HardBoiledPC stared blankly at Shin Sodam.

She irritably ruffled her hair.

“Ah! Seriously! You didn’t understand that? And you’re still A+ rank… No, never mind. It’s my fault. I’m the idiot lower-ranked than you two. No, why am I the idiot? The Association is the idiot. They neglect proper hunter information and just rush to make anyone ridiculously strong an A+.”

Shin Sodam sighed deeply and continued.

“Okay, simple example. Think of this place as a subway. Subways have multiple cars, right? This dungeon is the same. Everyone entered different cars, and we can’t interfere with or enter other cars.”

Only then did HardBoiledPC clap his hands in realization.

“Ohhh~ So what Sodam-chan means is, there are other survivors besides us! They’re climbing upward just like us, right? We just can’t perceive each other because of magic.”

“Yeah. Roughly correct. Pretty smart.”

Shin Sodam nodded as if annoyed.

Then she suddenly whipped her head toward me.

“…Hey. You.”

She raised one eyebrow.

“Who are you? Why are you here? Hunter? Tourist? How did you survive?”

A barrage of questions.

Before I could answer, she continued immediately.

“More importantly! You know me, right?”

“Of course.”

Anyone living in Korea who doesn’t know Shin Sodam is a spy.

“No, wait. That question was weird. Let me start over.”

She cut herself off casually.

The way she interrupted so naturally wasn’t something you pick up in a day or two.

Shin Sodam stared straight at me and asked again.

“We’ve met somewhere recently, haven’t we?”

The focus of the question had subtly shifted.

Does she remember the incident at Lethe Tower?

Back then, she was half-unconscious.

Shin Sodam kept staring piercingly.

Then HardBoiledPC suddenly butted in.

“Ooooh my, darling. Is this pretty boy your type?”

“What? What kind of nonsense is that all of a sudden.”

Shin Sodam snapped, but HardBoiledPC smiled oddly and said,

“If he’s famous enough, you must have met somewhere~! By the way, that flirting line is sooo outdated~ It only worked 30 years ago~.”

“F-flirting? What the hell are you—”

At that moment.

KUguGuGuGuGu!

A massive roar began echoing through the corridor.

Something was rolling toward us at terrifying speed.

KUguGuGuGuGuGuGuGu~!

It was a dark brown sphere the size of a dump truck.

As it approached, a stench strong enough to sting the nose assaulted us.

‘No way, that’s…!?’

Poop.

A gigantic ball of poop was rolling straight at us.

Behind it, an elephant-sized dung beetle was frantically pushing with its legs.

Shiiing—

Cheok Junseong instantly drew his sword and took a stance.

Red mana rings began forming one by one around Shin Sodam.

Even HardBoiledPC, who had been acting sleazy, dropped the act and assumed a serious boxing stance.

KUguGuGuGuGuGuGuGu—!

The situation was explosive.

At that moment.

SCREEEEECH—!

The charging poop ball braked hard and stopped dead.

A whiny voice rang out.

[Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Wait a sec!]

The dung beetle that had “parked” the poop ball walked out, dusting off its shoulders.

It was wearing a white bathrobe stained in places with poop water.

[I have absolutely no intention of fighting you all!]

The dung beetle bowed politely at 90 degrees.

Then it pointed at the poop ball it had pushed and continued.

[Isn’t it beautiful? My only interest is this magnificent work of art.]

Shin Sodam frowned and spoke.

“What is it saying. You filthy monster. I’ll turn both you and that poop pile into ashes.”

[Eh? Filthy? That’s a huge misunderstanding!]

The dung beetle crossed its arms and shook its head.

[Did you know? The toilet is the standard of cleanliness. It’s the measure of purity. Your phones have ten times more bacteria than a toilet seat. And your clothes? Overflowing with filth and foreign substances compared to a toilet. Your toothbrush that you put in your mouth? 200 times more bacteria than a toilet.]

“What’s your point, bug.”

Flame orbs blazed around Shin Sodam, ready to fire at any moment.

Unfazed, the dung beetle continued casually.

[Therefore, the toilet is clean! And beautiful people leave beautiful traces wherever they go, yes? The poop in the toilet is likewise clean! I simply wish to study the excrement of humans from this world.]

“What?”

[If you provide me with your feces, I will send you straight to the upper floor without question.]

“You crazy bug. As if we’d make a deal with a monster…”

“Wait. Shin Sodam.”

Cheok Junseong stopped her and stepped forward.

“If we can pass through here without anyone dying, I believe it’s worth trying.”

“Yep yep! I agree with Junseong-kun~. My tummy’s been hurting a little since earlier anyway!”

HardBoiledPC nodded enthusiastically.

[Ohhh~ These two gentlemen are reasonable! And the remaining one?]

The dung beetle stared straight at me.

Provide feces. That alone lets us pass without sacrifice.

Is there any reason to refuse?

“I’m fine with it.”

Only one person, Shin Sodam, turned red and trembled.

Then she glared at me as if she wanted to murder me.

‘Why only at me…??’

Soon, the dung beetle clapped briefly.

Then.

KU-THOOM! KU-KU-KU-KU-THOOM—!

A dimensional gate opened, and four booth-style toilets dropped down.

[The finest restrooms. Complete with premium tissue, wet wipes, and bidet. Please use them comfortably. I’m sure that mademoiselle will be satisfied as well.]

“Don’t bullsh… I never said I’d…”

Shin Sodam trembled with an expression ready to explode.

Cheok Junseong and HardBoiledPC spoke up.

“Shin Sodam. Act professionally. Nothing is gained without sacrifice.”

“Individual opinions are very important, but majority opinions are just as important! This time, Sodam-chan, why don’t you yield? Like a proper A+ hunter~.”

“You sons of… poop-like bastards… I’ll kill you all for real…”

With those words, Shin Sodam stormed into a toilet booth and slammed the door shut.

***

A few minutes later.

FLUUUUUSH—

With the sound of flushing, everyone emerged from the toilets.

HardBoiledPC looked the most refreshed among them.

Of course, Shin Sodam still wore a face full of discontent.

Seeing that, HardBoiledPC said,

“What’s wrong, darling? Why are you the only one in a bad mood?”

“Oh no, darling… could it be constipation…?”

“Shut up! Shut your mouth! You pervert bastard! I’ll burn that trap of yours!?”

“Sodam-chan, you’re being too hysterical~.”

Soon, the dung beetle checked all the toilet bowls and nodded with satisfaction.

[Hya hya hya— Very satisfying. Quite generous portions! You all must have been holding it in! Even the mademoiselle…]

“Shut up! I said shut up!”

At that moment.

CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK

The marble tiles began vibrating violently.

At the same time, a thunderous voice rang out.

[…Who is it.]

The voice came from inside the toilet booth… more precisely, from below it.

Instantly.

KWABOOOM!

The marble tiles exploded, and the toilet booth shot into the air.

Fragments of the booth scattered everywhere.

From the cracked ground, a gigantic mole suddenly poked its head out.

With a generous pile(?) of poop sitting right on top of its head.

[Who pooped on my head—!]