I feel so insignificant. Standing in front of towering skyscrapers, I’m overwhelmed with panic, as if nothing I do matters anymore. If I had to describe myself with one word, “small-town bumpkin” would fit me best.
If possible, I’d want Gu Fan to stay with me in this quiet little town, living a simple life, not chasing a glamorous existence in the big city.
It’s absurd, isn’t it? As a modern person, I’m terrified of these changes. Deep down, my heart tells me it wants to stay in this stagnant, unpromising town until it withers away. I fear change and only wish for peaceful, unchanging days.
But with Gu Fan’s personality and talents, if he follows a normal life path, he’s bound to achieve great things someday.
The contradictions clash fiercely within me. I can’t help but question why I fell for someone so opposite to me like Gu Fan. Isn’t this just asking for trouble?
We might be able to love each other, but that doesn’t mean we can walk together forever. If we can’t grow old hand in hand, maybe it’s better not to marry at all. Keeping this ambiguous, on-and-off relationship doesn’t seem so bad, does it?
Ugh, I’m so torn. I want to indulge my desires, but I can’t help overthinking the possibilities of the future.
My tangled thoughts collide, stirring up a stormy tempest. I clutch my cat ears in headache, but I can still hear the cacophony of noises in my mind and from the world around me.
“Oh! Shiratori’s here!”
A surprised shout pulls me out of my chaotic thoughts.
I look up and around, noticing my classmates all staring expectantly in the same direction.
Following their gazes, I saw Shiratori pushing a cake cart into view.
She was dressed stunningly, with a sleek, fashionable jacket, shorts, and stockings—a captivating look. I glanced down at myself and suddenly felt I’d already lost the moment I chose to wear a skirt.
Wait a second… why does this scene feel so familiar?
I coldly watched as Shiratori pushed the cake cart toward Gu Fan. The previously scattered crowd quickly gathered around.
Then, I saw Shiratori pull a birthday hat from her pocket, standing on her tiptoes to place it on Gu Fan’s head…
“No, this can’t happen…”
Realizing why this scene felt so familiar, I shot to my feet, but it was already too late. The birthday hat was on Gu Fan’s head, and the others had completely surrounded him, leaving me no room to step in and stop Shiratori.
“I’m going to light the candles now. Get ready to sing the birthday song for the star of the day~”
Shiratori’s energetic voice rang out. Blocked by the wall of people, I couldn’t see her, but I could imagine her lighting the candles on the cake with a lighter while Gu Fan stood quietly, waiting for everyone to celebrate him.
Strange… shouldn’t Gu Fan’s birthday be a happy occasion? Why does my heart feel so heavy?
I sank back onto the sofa, staring blankly at the lively circle not far away, muttering words even I didn’t understand.
I couldn’t help but think how wonderful it would be if I were the only one celebrating Gu Fan’s birthday with him.
“Make a wish, Gu Fan, make a wish!”
“Okay.”
Hearing someone urge Gu Fan to make a wish, my attention snapped into focus. What would Gu Fan wish for? Could it be about me?
I hoped so, but it didn’t seem likely. My delusions had reached the point where even a simple wish felt like it had to involve me… What a creep I am…
Berating myself, I gazed longingly at the wall of people, as if I could see through them to Gu Fan, hands clasped devoutly in front of the cake.
I desperately wanted to push through the crowd and personally wish him a happy birthday.
As the wish-making began, everyone clapped in rhythm and started singing the birthday song.
“Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday to you~”
Some sang in Chinese, others in English. Though the group wasn’t large, the unified rhythm of their singing created an overwhelming wave of sound.
Being the closest to them, I immediately felt a sense of pressure. My lips parted slightly, wanting to join in singing the birthday song, but no sound came out.
It’s too suffocating… This atmosphere is just too suffocating…
I realized I could never blend in harmoniously with others. Whenever there’s a crowd, I’m forced to become mute.
Numbly propping my forehead, I listened to their cheers after finishing the song. I thought I even heard the sound of Gu Fan blowing out the candles and someone asking him what he wished for.
Staring intently at the circle, it seemed to tighten even more. Some people were noisily clamoring to cut the cake. After watching for a bit, I saw Gu Fan’s figure squeeze out from the crowd.
He looked around, then quickly locked eyes with me, walking over with a smile.
“So, Zhinian, are you settling in okay?”
“…Not really.”
If I were any other girl, even if I wasn’t thrilled, I’d force a smile and say it’s fine or that I’m getting used to it.
I had planned to say something like that, not wanting Gu Fan to think inviting me to the party was a mistake.
But that feeling of being isolated just now was too painful. I really didn’t want to see Gu Fan surrounded by a crowd that didn’t include me.
It made me feel like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t break through their encirclement.
So, I decided to follow my heart.
“Gu Fan, I don’t want to stay here anymore. Can we go for a walk outside together? If you want cake, I can buy you one just for you—any kind, no matter how expensive. As for gifts, let someone else hold them for you. Please, come with me, okay?”
I grabbed Gu Fan’s arm, gently shaking it, hoping to soften him with a bit of pleading to agree to my suggestion.
As expected, a flicker of hesitation crossed Gu Fan’s face. He didn’t reply right away. Of course—Gu Fan’s a normal person. How could he abandon the other classmates who came to his party just because of my feelings?
“Yo, why’s the birthday boy over here?”
Just as we stood there in silence, Fang Cheng walked over, holding a large plate of cake.
“Zhinian, want some cake too? We’ve got forks and small paper plates.”
Gu Fan slowly came back to his senses, proactively picking up a piece of cake with a fork and placing it on a paper plate, handing it to me.
“Zhinian, have some cake. Don’t worry about the others—we can find a quiet spot to eat it together.”
“Oh, oh, I’ve got some things to take care of, so I’ll leave this plate of cake with you guys!”
After hearing Gu Fan’s words, Fang Cheng raised an eyebrow, handed the plate to Gu Fan, and slipped back into the crowd with a grin.
I watched his retreating figure, silently thanking him in my heart. Thanks to the coincidence he created, the situation didn’t become too awkward, and I got the chance to spend time with Gu Fan peacefully.