The refreshing green tea paired with a milk bread coated in chocolate somehow tasted amazingly sweet. It’s been a while since I’ve eaten something in a clear state of mind that felt sweet enough to touch my heart.
The biggest factor was probably Gu Fan, sitting across from me, his thin lips slowly savoring the cake. I feel like I’ve awakened some strange fetish—watching Gu Fan eat makes food taste even better, as if I want my lips to touch more than just food.
Last night’s dinner was enjoyable, but because I was so sleepy and drunk, it felt somewhat unreal in hindsight, like a dream.
Though, to be fair, things feel pretty dreamlike now too. Gu Fan is sitting right in front of me, the warm blue lighting creating just the right cozy ambiance. The only downside is the slight noisiness.
Speaking of which, the atmosphere earlier was genuinely terrifying. Seeing so many strangers laughing and crowding around Gu Fan made me feel almost hopeless, thinking I wouldn’t get to have him to myself today.
Being “brave” or “selfish” might be easy when facing one or two people, but showing that in front of a crowd would definitely make me look like a crazy woman.
I don’t want to do anything that would lower people’s opinion of me, so I can only restrain my true feelings and try to get Gu Fan’s attention in a more subdued way.
But… there’s always a gap between fantasy and reality. In my imagination, I can be a fearless hero, but in reality, I’m shackled, stumbling over my words and barely able to speak clearly.
Sometimes I can’t help but wish I could transfer my active imagination to my ability to articulate. I’d rather be silver-tongued than good at fantasizing.
The former would win me more rights and opportunities, while the latter only brings me trouble.
… and obstacles that keep me from moving forward, leaving me stagnant or even turning to flee.
So, after Gu Fan made his wish, I chose to ask him for a chance to escape with him. I know that, as a normal person, Gu Fan probably wouldn’t abandon his group of friends to leave with me, but I still wanted to take the chance and test how high I rank in his priorities.
But… if Gu Fan really refused, I might just break down on the spot.
It wouldn’t just be because his answer crushed my hopes, but because I’ve already gone all-in with no way back. If he says no, I wouldn’t know where to go.
Stand there frozen? Leave the drink bar? I can’t just keep watching Gu Fan happily chat with others, can I? None of those scenarios are what I want to see.
It was only then that I realized, from the very start, my only real choice was to escape with Gu Fan. Other options were like unclickable choices in a game—grayed out, unresponsive no matter how much I tried.
Seeing my true feelings clearly didn’t bring me much joy. Instead, it only deepened my awareness of my own foolishness.
Ugh, so annoying. Why does it feel like I’m regressing the more I live?
Others grow step by step, learning from their mistakes and fixing them, handling things smoothly the next time they come up.
But me? I’m like a spiral. I get hit with a setback, have an epiphany, and feel like I’ve grasped the core of the issue. I prepare countless contingency plans, but when I face it again, I fall back into the same old patterns, repeating the same mistakes like an idiot.
I viciously bit down on the plastic fork, my barbed tongue licking it clean of any lingering cream.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let out a deep sigh amidst the noisy environment, finally feeling…
…my mood improved a bit.
I didn’t want to overthink anymore. Though the cost of failure is steep, at least this time, I won.
At the critical moment when I thought I was doomed to fail, Fang Cheng provided a way out, and Gu Fan took it, soothing my sensitive heart as always and leading me away from the crowd.
No one should bother us anymore, right?
I glanced around. Besides Gu Fan, who was eating mango chunks with a fork, the other classmates were far away. Even other customers wouldn’t choose such dimly lit seats.
Since that’s the case, it’s time for me to offer my belated birthday wishes.
“Gu Fan.”
“Hm?”
“Happy birthday.”
Gu Fan gave a slight smile and used a new fork to pick up a cherry, passing it to me—probably his way of accepting my blessing.
The tables at the drink bar were designed to be large, with seats far apart. Unlike at the barbecue place, I couldn’t get close enough to Gu Fan to bite the fork directly or be fed…
With a bitter expression, I took the fork and ate the cherry glumly. As the sweet juice burst in my mouth, my frustration slowly melted away.
Realizing that all those bothersome people were gone, I finally gave my delayed birthday wishes. But it was far from the ideal scenario I had imagined before coming to the drink bar, so I wasn’t entirely satisfied.
To make up for this regret, I decided to set a reminder on my phone’s calendar app when I get home. I’ll mark a few days before Gu Fan’s next birthday to ensure I seize the opportunity then.
…I’ll seize the opportunity and plan a celebration with Gu Fan in advance. I absolutely can’t let Shiratori steal the spotlight again.
At the very least… I can invite Gu Fan to my own birthday, right? The setting will be at home, preferably at night, with just a warm little light in the dining room, sitting close together and eating cake.
Hehe, just imagining that scene makes me giggle uncontrollably.
“Gu Fan, aren’t you going to chat with those classmates?”
If I were following my heart, I’d never say something like that. I wish those classmates would stay as far away from Gu Fan as possible.
But I imagined what Shiratori might say in my position—some polite small talk—and decided to test Gu Fan’s reaction with it.
If he responds well, I’ll have to start leaning toward Shiratori’s way of handling things.
Gu Fan, perhaps feeling cloyed from too much cream, took a few big gulps of green tea, swallowing before leisurely responding to my question.
“My energy is limited. Does Zhinian want me to share it with the other classmates?”
Ugh… he’s got me there.
The question arced beautifully from his side, landing back in my court. I gritted my teeth, helplessly lowering my gaze.
“No, I don’t. Just chatting with me is enough. If you want me to be more talkative, I can get chatty right now. I’ll do my best to keep up with any private topic you want to discuss.”
“Cough, cough… No need, no need. Just keep things as they usually are. Going with the flow is the most comfortable.”
As Gu Fan said this, an unfamiliar female classmate happened to pass by and overheard me.
…our conversation. She must have gone back to the crowd and told the others, because I soon received a barrage of unfriendly glances.
Hmph, do they think I’d be scared? I’m thrilled.
I coldly returned the stares of those annoying people. They shrugged and looked away, continuing their chatter.
As long as Gu Fan doesn’t abandon me, I’m absolutely not afraid of losing.
Premium Chapter
Login to buy access to this Chapter.