You’re sharp.
No, I’ve decided to let go of my bitter feelings toward Cecilia now.
“Ollie. Please don’t treat me like a child. Did you really think I was tossing and turning all night over my social life? I’m not some kid playing in the alleyways.”
“To me, you’re always a baby.”
Ollie was firm. It seemed she wouldn’t back down until I answered.
What kind of maid is like this! This is nonsense. I should get a maid too.
“I don’t know either.”
Looking at Ollie’s seemingly angry face, I forced myself to speak brightly.
I mean it, Ollie. I don’t know what’s what at all. All of this still feels like a dream.
I let out a long sigh and reached out my hand. Ollie looked between my outstretched hand and my face, then walked over and hugged me as if she had been waiting for it. Ollie always smelled like fragrant wood. I rubbed my face against her embrace.
“It’s true. I guess I was just surprised after going out for the first time in a while.”
Still, I thought I’d better make an excuse, so I added,
“You went out just the other day to buy a dress, Lady Riana.”
“…Haha.”
I shouldn’t have said more. I closed my mouth. It seemed better to keep quiet. For me, ‘yesterday’ was dying in a carriage after being kidnapped in an accident.
Feeling pathetically scared, I buried my head into her arms as if I could disappear inside her. Taken aback by my sudden move, Ollie lost her balance and plopped down, but she didn’t loosen the arms holding me.
“You’re becoming spoiled, my lady.”
“Yeah.”
“I heard from the knight that you seemed frightened. What are you afraid of, my lady?”
“No, there’s nothing like that anymore.”
“My lady. It’s all right to be scared and afraid. I’ll protect you as much as you need. You know how scary I am, right?”
Ah, warm Ollie.
My throat tightened. But Ollie was trembling too. I wanted to lift my head and see her face, but Ollie was holding me so tightly that I couldn’t. Instead, I rubbed her back with my shortened arms as best I could.
“My lady, was I too harsh with you? I just wanted to toughen you up, since the outside world can be even rougher… Was I wrong for that, so you couldn’t talk to me about other things…”
“No! Absolutely not.”
I shouted reflexively and lifted my head, coming face-to-face with Ollie’s tearful expression.
Goodness, the infamous maid of the duke’s family—said to rival the butler, the terrifying Ollie who could make even a crying child wail for a week—was crying. Tears streamed down her face, whether out of worry for me or guilt.
I can say with certainty: Ollie has never been rough with me. She just wasn’t a soft, squishy maid.
You know the type—people who praise you for everything you do, call you pretty just for existing, say you’re the best and you’re already enough, and shower you with sweet, melting words.
Ollie just wasn’t that kind of sweet person. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t warm. Ollie truly loved me, and I’d known that well since I was very young. Even now.
“If Ollie had coddled me, I probably would have ended up as the ‘bad-mannered’ young lady with zero social skills, don’t you think? Ollie just told me when I did something wrong, that’s all.”
Maybe that would have been a bit more fun, actually.
I spoke to soothe her. Forgotten memories from childhood suddenly came back to me—embarrassing ones, things that wouldn’t have happened in either my past or future as ‘Cecilia’s elegant duke’s daughter, Riana.’
Like pestering the chef for cake at two in the morning, or… cough!… secretly putting frogs in Ollie’s apron pocket, or hanging from an apple tree to pick fruit when the adults were away and nearly breaking my leg or neck.
Of course, it was the scary maid Ollie who stopped those disasters. She once jumped out of a second-story window to catch me when I fell, and as a result, I had to rest for three days, and Ollie was bedridden for four weeks.
When I was even younger, I played with fire a lot… cough.
Suddenly, I remembered staring into blazing flames for a long time.
Goodness, looking back, I was a complete troublemaker!
‘Maybe I just wasn’t mature. No, I definitely wasn’t!?’
But discovering this about myself actually made me happy. It was a clue. A clue that I could live as myself. A precious clue that I could escape from the suffocating mold that my past or future self had drawn for the young lady.
If I wanted to break out of this fateful supporting role…
I shook my head, thinking of Evan, who I had fallen for at first sight.
“So what I’m saying is, Ollie never treated me badly. I like strict Ollie. I can get coddled by someone else.”
I deliberately buried my head in her arms, acting spoiled. It seemed her trembling eased.
“Really?”
“Of course.”
“…Then you must be punished.”
“W-wait!”
Ollie pried me from her embrace. Weren’t we having a touching moment just now? Ollie grabbed my arm and looked me in the eyes. Her tear-streaked olive eyes seemed to shine brightly.
Even with the mind of an eighteen-year-old, Ollie’s scolding was still scary!
No, is it because my body is young again that my mind feels younger? Or do I just become a child in front of Ollie?
“If something’s bothering you, you should tell me. Why suffer alone? Didn’t you say you liked strict Ollie?”
“…Yeah.”
“Then, do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
I nodded with conviction.
“Do you trust the master and mistress as well?”
“Yeah.”
Some might say Ollie was being rude by asking such questions. In the past, I might have thought so too.
But now, Ollie scolding me like this made me feel safe. Like she really could protect me.
With every meek answer I gave to her questions, my trust in Ollie grew. Maybe it’s childish for a noble lady, but I wondered: is it okay to rely on an adult? I wanted to. Gladly.
My fragile heart melted into her sincerity.
“If something scary happens, don’t bear it alone. Sharing is also a right, a duty, and even a strategy for a noble young lady.”
“Okay. I’ll do that, Ollie.”
“You’ve become a baby, Lady Riana.”
For someone who said she’d scold me, Ollie’s words were as soft as jelly. She called my name so fondly and then—Ollie is really strong—lifted me up and sat me on the bed.
“If I ask, will you tell me what’s going on?”
“……”
‘The truth is, I died… but I think I’ve come back to life.’
I swallowed hard.
I couldn’t explain something I didn’t even understand myself. The vague anxiety that this might all be a dream lingered, and the doubts I’d tried to suppress started tormenting me again. Even in this happy, touching moment. Ollie seemed to read the answer from my face and didn’t ask further, just nodded.
“In that case, I’ll bring some rich cocoa.”
“And cake too!”
“Just for today, my lady. You can’t have only sweets for snacks.”
“And croissants too!”
Ollie tried to give me a stern look but nodded and left.
Her bright, lively voice still felt unfamiliar. I touched my neck and flopped onto the bed.
“I… will be all right, right?”
Once she left and I was alone again, everything felt strange. Things had changed, and yet…
“Don’t be afraid.”
Yeah. I’ll just pretend none of what I know or suspect is real.
Don’t get arrogant. Everything’s going to change.
I learned that yesterday. When I panicked after being confronted by something unfamiliar, I found comfort in Cecilia’s voice. That’s how much of an influence Cecilia had on me. I even felt an obsessive need to keep her close!
“It’s not Cecilia’s fault, and I still like her.”
But I want to try living differently. Since things will change anyway, I should become the proper ‘Riana’ and get close to Cecilia. Then even her circle will see me as ‘Riana,’ not ‘Friend 1’ or ‘Bestie 1.’
In this life I’ve been given again, separating from Cecilia, who was always like my shadow, is frightening.
“Ugh. I got goosebumps.”
I rubbed my arms. I tried to speak lightly, but yesterday’s fear was real.
That’s how scary it is. Like wandering in pitch-black darkness with no light, it’s terrifying.
Let’s try. I want change, so I should be able to endure it.
“From now on, I’ll just say what I like and don’t like, no more pretending. I won’t cut away the parts of me that are like Cecilia, either.”
Because I’m me. Having unknowns ahead of me is proof that I’m living differently than before. I can endure my fears.
A maid entered, pushing a tray. The rich scent of cocoa filled the air.
“My lady, your snack is ready.”
“Thank you. Where’s Ollie?”
The maid glanced around, then came closer and whispered softly.
“She’s crying in the garden.”
“Oh no…!”
The maid’s eyes went wide.
Ah, at this age, would I have said “Whaaat!?” in surprise?
“Whaaat!?”
“……”
Maybe that wasn’t it…. The silence said it all. Yeah, that was weird. I’m terrible at acting! Damn it.
“You may go.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“Wait.”
“Yes, my lady?”
Ack! My heart’s pounding…. I swallowed nervously. The maid clutched the tray tightly, tense.
“You! What’s your name…?”
She looked at me, mouth agape.
“M-Mansia.”
“Mansia, Mansia.”
“……”
“Mansia, thank you for your work.”
“…Th-thank you, my lady.”
She finally replied after a long moment.
“All right. You may go.”
“Y-yes, my lady…”
Mansia bowed so deeply, as if she’d seen a fairy or something impossible in this world, then left. I heard an “Oof!” as soon as she was gone—she must have bumped into the wall in her rush.
“……”
If I start thinking about why Mansia was so shocked, I’ll just get embarrassed, so I decided not to think about it.
I took the cup of cocoa in my hands. The warm cup spread heat through my body.
Ah. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it. So embarrassing. Will Mansia tell the other maids?
They’ll gossip about how, after all these years, the young lady suddenly asked for a maid’s name.
“So embarrassing. I’m mortified.”
Instead, I tried to remember what I needed to be careful about.
Margareta and Cecilia. Since I’d gotten tangled up with them.
The two of them weren’t quite enemies. No, as the years went by, they’d grown more distant.
At first, it seemed Margareta simply disliked Cecilia, but that was it. Cecilia tried to get closer to her several times, but after a while Margareta started to openly dislike Cecilia.
“I didn’t understand it then, but now I do. I bet it was the same back then.”
Maybe Evan’s blatant favoritism toward Cecilia and ignoring Margareta made things worse?
Later on, Margareta even called Cecilia aside to scold her, or deliberately gave her the wrong location for class. She even locked Cecilia in the academy’s magic tool storage room.
I lost count of how many times I ended up in those traps meant for Cecilia. If I were locked up now, I’d have no trouble escaping. All that pointless bullying made me an escape expert. Ha!
Maybe this time, things between those two will get even worse. Cecilia seemed likely to be at the center of another storm.
Not going to the academy with her was a good decision.
Nodding, I picked up a cookie.
Without Cecilia, who always spoke to me with a gentle, lark-like voice at my side…
‘It’s unexpectedly nice!’
I felt a bit bad for enjoying it. Cecilia would have looked disappointed.
“You seem to be in a good mood, my lady.”
Mansia said as she brushed my hair. I nodded, seeing her brighter face in the mirror than yesterday.
“Yeah.”
It was lonely, bittersweet, but the strongest feeling was relief. It left a bitter taste.
Cecilia must have thought of me as a friend too, right?
My self-esteem was at rock bottom before I died; except for the anger at the end, all I did was cling to her and ignore my own feelings.
But why did I always feel so left out, even next to Cecilia, who cherished me?
“It’s strange.”