“Huh?”
Mansia stopped brushing and looked up.
“Hm? Ah! No, it’s nothing, just talking to myself.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Then what about me? Did I truly care for Cecilia?
‘Could it be, was I just obsessed with Cecilia?’
Just like all those men who worshipped and followed her.
Thinking about it made me feel a little scared.
‘Cecilia, just what kind of charm do you have?’
My head was a mess. I felt like I was no different from the men who tried all sorts of tricks to stay by Cecilia’s side.
I too had craved her affection and been restless around her.
I held on, thinking I was truly the closest friend Cecilia kept by her side, but…
Was I really Cecilia’s friend? Did Cecilia really consider me her friend? Or was it all just my sensitive imagination?
It seemed strange from a distance. Anyway, until I sorted out my thoughts, I felt it would be best to keep some distance.
“All done, my lady.”
Mansia stepped back from me.
“Thank you, Mansia.”
She bowed her head, looking so happy she could almost leap for joy. The girl’s complexion in the mirror was still a bit dark, but the shadow from before was gone. That was enough for me to feel relieved.
Let’s stop overthinking. I won’t panic like I did yesterday.
I made that vow and lightly slapped my cheeks, heading down alone. I could feel Mansia’s odd gaze on me. Don’t look at me like that!
This time, my escort was Natura again. I had a feeling he’d be assigned to guard me from now on.
I’d heard that my mother and father had rushed up from the estate, worried after last night, only to head back down after seeing me sleeping. There are people who care so much for me—so I’ll be fine.
“My lady…”
Ollie saw me off, looking even more tense than yesterday, and the maids seemed to hold back some lingering regret.
Goodbyes are still awkward.
This time, I hurried off without turning back, trotting to the carriage…
“Ah!”
“My lady!”
“Lady Liana!”
Ollie’s shrill voice echoed as warm hands supported my back.
“…Natura!”
It was him.
Ugh, how embarrassing. I fell at this age? I want to crawl into a hole!
“Are you all right?”
“….”
“Are you hurt anywhere?”
“No, I’m fine! Ollie, I’m okay.”
It’s just that I lost my words from embarrassment!
My cheeks burned. No matter how I thought about it, falling at my age was just wrong.
I’d wanted to leave without saying goodbye, but now I had no choice. I waved reassuringly at Ollie’s shocked face. My cheeks grew hotter from the embarrassment.
Ollie watched me for a long moment, then tried hard not to cry.
Don’t cry, Ollie. I won’t cry, either.
Looking into her warm eyes, I accepted Natura’s help and got into the carriage.
And so I arrived once again at the ‘Convenience Hall.’ My shaky breaths betrayed my nerves. I hoped Natura wouldn’t notice, but I could feel the tension in my whole body, which was embarrassing.
It won’t always be as chaotic as yesterday, so I’ll be fine.
Avoiding Natura’s gaze on my profile, I headed for the portal reception. The sparkling glass decorations inside made people lose their way, but I was used to it. As I confidently walked forward, a familiar silhouette caught my eye.
‘Hawkins?’
Was I mistaken? The entrance ceremony was yesterday—he shouldn’t be here today.
“My lady, is something wrong?”
“Just a moment…”
I stopped. I wasn’t mistaken.
It was Hawkins.
He was sitting carelessly on the shiny floor of the ‘Convenience Hall’ crowded with intricate and bright glass decorations. He wasn’t even in uniform. He wore something rather shabby, and his annoyed expression was something I’d never seen before.
‘Hawkins…’
Our first encounter came to mind. Well, not even our first meeting, since it was just my one-sided memory.
‘It’s you. I recognized you at a glance.’
Evan had said that when he appeared.
He strode in and bowed to Cecilia, who was seated. Cecilia stared at them wide-eyed, and so did I.
Behind Evan were Hawkins and Benjamin.
‘Who are you…?’
‘You don’t know me?’
His voice sounded amused.
When Evan pointed at himself with his finger, Cecilia shook her head. He didn’t bother asking her again and instead looked at me.
‘You look like you know me. Don’t you?’
‘Am I supposed to know?’
Cecilia’s bold reply made Evan laugh openly.
‘No, it’s even better that way.’
‘Your High…’
I opened my mouth to greet him, unsure if I should, but Evan waved me off without even looking at me.
That was the beginning of my life as background scenery!
I remembered Hawkins because he never once spared me a glance.
Evan had a purpose for Cecilia, and Hawkins and Benjamin just followed him. Benjamin gave me a fleeting look of boredom, and Evan looked at me briefly at first.
But Hawkins acted as if he only saw Cecilia from the start. When he entered the classroom, he looked at no one, gave nothing his attention—except for Cecilia.
The moment he set his gaze on Cecilia as she answered Evan’s questions, it was as if he was captivated, looking only at her. Before that, he seemed like a wax doll. I remembered his expressionless face and mechanical blinking eyes.
So maybe this annoyed face was Hawkins’s real face.
“I see.”
“Yes?”
“Ah. No, nothing.”
I shook my head.
“Just talking to myself.”
“Yes.”
The title ‘gentle’ attached to Hawkins might have only existed when he was by Cecilia’s side.
That sullen face was better than the wax doll I first saw in the classroom.
I looked at that unfamiliar face for a moment, then turned away.
‘Whether he’s gentle or not, it’s none of my business.’
“Let’s go.”
“Yes.”
‘Cecilia! Hurry and find Cecilia!’
It felt like Hawkins’s desperate cries were echoing in my ears, making me uneasy. A headache came as a bonus.
Yeah, looking back at when I first saw Hawkins, it was obvious how blindly he adored Cecilia.
But even so, it’s not right to ignore someone who’s dying!
Annoyance surged within me as I stomped toward the reception desk.
“My lady.”
Why do I keep running into him? Shouldn’t he be at the entrance ceremony?
“My lady!”
Did we have to meet again so soon? It’s only been a day—just one day since my regression.
“My lady, please wait!”
“My lady.”
I paused. Only then did I realize that the boy desperately calling ‘my lady’ behind me with a youthful voice was Hawkins.
Natura looked at me as if to ask, “What shall I do?” If I shook my head, he’d probably send Hawkins away quietly.
“Excuse me, my lady.”
Hawkins’s polite voice called me again, and suddenly memories from long ago came back.
That sunny day, when he arrived early for a garden tea time,
‘Hello, Hawkins.’
‘…….’
‘The weather’s lovely. You’re early.’
‘…Yes.’
‘Cecilia said she’d be a little late.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m not sure… But she won’t be very late.’
‘…I see.’
He never met my eyes, just stared at the ground, but when Cecilia’s name was mentioned, he’d lift his head instantly.
When I ran into him after a major class, he was smiling at the tree Cecilia had planted,
‘Fancy meeting you here.’
‘…Yes.’
‘Were you looking at the tree Cecilia planted?’
‘…Yes.’
He didn’t even reply properly and turned his back on me.
During our third year at the Academy, when we were busy preparing for the festival,
‘Liana! Aren’t you close with Hawkins?’
When classmate Lana asked, I gave an awkward smile.
‘Um, he’s closer to Cecilia than to me…’
That was all I could say. Hawkins ignored anything not related to Cecilia!
Of course, his ‘chic’ and ‘cool’ image made him popular among the girls.
Right. Even I, who got to see him up close only because I hung around Cecilia, thought of him as ‘chic.’ The other girls must’ve been even more taken.
Handsome, top grades, and always with the Crown Prince and Benjamin, son of a renowned professor—his halo effect couldn’t be ignored.
‘But Liana, you hang out with him, don’t you?’
‘Well…’
But.
When she asked, ‘You must be close since you hang out together, right?’ I made a foolish mistake. Yeah…! Three or four years is a long time to be together. Even if he only likes Cecilia, he’s closer to me than anyone else!
When I was with Cecilia, Hawkins was also ‘gentle’ to me, so I convinced myself he’d treat me gently too.
‘Ah! Is it burdensome for you? Even so, just this once… It’s not hard.’
I couldn’t refuse Lana, who asked while blushing and fidgeting.
‘What is it?’
No, maybe I was also a little drunk on the ‘specialness’ of being close to those the other students considered special.
Ugh, it’s so childish and embarrassing now!
‘Um… Hawkins will be coming here later.’
‘Right?’
‘If you could just, you know, call him over here! That’s all! But only when Cecilia isn’t around.’
She whispered that last part.
Yeah. Hawkins liked Cecilia. If she was around, it’d be awkward to convey his feelings.
‘Sure. It’s not a big deal.’
‘Wow! Liana, thank you so much. There’s a great dessert place—let’s go together.’
‘That’s all right.’
Maybe I was a little excited.
When Lana nervously said, ‘Hawkins is coming!’ I deliberately sent Cecilia off with another student and waited for Hawkins to approach.
Hawkins looked around as if searching for Cecilia,
‘Hawkins!’
I called him rather loudly. He turned toward my voice and our eyes met. I couldn’t help but beam at him. Stupid! Why was I even happy?
Lana’s nervousness was so obvious I could feel it myself. She was fumbling to take a letter from her pocket.
‘Hawkins, could you come over here for a moment?’
My voice was more cheerful and gentle than usual.
‘Oh, oh no. He’s coming…!’
‘It’s fine, Lana. When he arrives, I’ll step aside…’
‘Cecilia! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Why are you so hard to find today?’
‘Hawkins…’
‘…’
Hawkins, who was striding toward us, wasn’t coming to me at all.
He headed straight for Cecilia, who was standing far away. He’d only turned at my call because he was searching for Cecilia, not because I called.
‘Lana, I’m sorry…’
‘No, it’s all right.’
The letter crumpled in Lana’s hand.
Damn! Damn it! Hell! All the curses I could think of.
Mortifying embarrassment and shame.
My insides boiled with frustration and longing.
I ignored my burning cheeks and forced myself to act calm. I couldn’t even look at Lana’s face. I stood there for a long time, staring into space, trying not to hear any of the voices around me.
Yeah, I remembered all those days of being ignored so many times!
And I just accepted it like it was normal…
Ugh.
“My lady?”
“Natura, maybe my hearing is going bad these days.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, no, nothing serious…”
Natura’s face hardened. His eyebrows drew together, wrinkling his brow.
Wait! I just meant, Hawkins’s words don’t reach my ears!
“No, I hear just fine.”
I shook my head and spread my hand.
“My lady, you mustn’t hide it if you’re unwell. Entering the Academy isn’t that important.”
“I know…”
I hesitated, then nodded.
Ah, I need to be careful with my words.
The memories of the past or future are things only I know. I mustn’t grumble about them carelessly. Natura’s deep blue eyes fixed on mine, as if to confirm my resolve.
“Really.”
Please believe me! I didn’t avoid Natura’s gaze and looked right back.
“…Yes. By the way, there’s a boy following us from behind. What should we do?”
Natura straightened and shifted to the side. As he looked at Hawkins, the boy hesitated, then spoke up.
“…Excuse me, my lady.”
“What is it?”
I asked, my tone a little prickly.
Ugh. I wanted to just ignore him and pass by. No matter how many times he called, I was going to pretend I didn’t notice!
My stupid mouth! If I hadn’t said I couldn’t hear him, I could have left while talking with Natura, but I missed my chance.
“My name is Hawkins…”
“So?”
Why can’t he say his name confidently?
Oh, was he self-conscious about being a commoner? I think Cecilia mentioned that once.
“The person I was supposed to go with had something come up and couldn’t make it, so I’m in a bit of trouble… But my pass and uniform are both in the dormitory… I’m sorry, but could you accompany me?”
“Why should I?”
Premium Chapter
Login to buy access to this Chapter.