After arriving at the park bench, Zhinian slowly began her probing. I guessed it was likely the lingering impact of seeing my medical records.
To be honest, I often don’t fully understand what Zhinian is thinking, but I could sense her desperate need for comfort. She just didn’t know how to express it in a way that felt normal or not overly intense.
Usually, Zhinian would hesitantly voice her needs, but when overwhelmed with emotions, she’d put up sharp defenses, perhaps thinking it was the only way to make others take her words seriously.
All I could do was gently soothe this startled hedgehog with words, carefully parting her dense spines and offering her a warm embrace.
No matter how tough and sharp she seemed on the outside, her core was still soft and vulnerable. With careful nurturing, her tense body would naturally relax.
Hugs were especially effective in calming Zhinian. Her breathing soon steadied, giving me a chance to reflect on what had just happened.
I have to admit, emotional outbursts can be powerful at times. They at least let me see how Zhinian truly feels about me and herself.
This conflict mainly stemmed from me.
It’s kind of laughable when I think about it. I hate it when others assume things about me, yet I unconsciously assumed that, given Zhinian’s personality and habits, she wouldn’t enjoy something like a party.
A month isn’t enough to fully understand someone, yet I subconsciously thought I knew Zhinian better than she knew herself. How ironic.
Deeply reflecting on this disrespectful mindset, I wished I could erase this memory entirely.
I wanted to nail this memory into my mind, to reinforce it every morning upon waking until it was etched into my soul before I could let it go.
I rarely hate myself, or rather, I rarely engage in self-loathing, but now I genuinely couldn’t accept that I was such a disgusting person.
From an outsider’s perspective, you might not have done anything wrong, and you might even think so yourself. But this “I’m doing it for your own good” mindset is actually incredibly off-putting.
Now that I’ve calmed down, I realize that my unintentional small actions may have hurt Zhinian. Thinking I was acting in her best interest was, in fact, disregarding her feelings.
Yes… To Zhinian, I’m someone so important, yet I didn’t invite her to a significant birthday party. If I were in her shoes, I’d also wonder if the other person didn’t care about me.
You see them as a close friend, but they treat you like a passerby. This unequal understanding, once exposed, can be deeply hurtful.
With this realization, I gathered my thoughts, sincerely apologized to Zhinian, and made a promise.
Then, I heard her let out a long breath, her body finally relaxing completely as she entrusted herself to me. As she collapsed into my arms, I thought I heard faint sobs, and the clothes on my chest felt damp.
I had planned to take Zhinian home once she calmed down, but suddenly, I heard her soft voice, tinged with a whimper, say, “Why… are you so good to me?”
When Zhinian asked this, I was completely stunned.
Markers.
Yes… Why am I so good to her? I kept asking myself this question but couldn’t find an answer.
When I looked at Zhinian again, she had fallen asleep, her small hands clutching my collar like a little wild cat seeking protection. Her eyes were slightly swollen, probably from crying just moments ago.
Really… she threw this huge question at me and then irresponsibly fell asleep.
Gently rubbing Zhinian’s cat ears, I heard her unconsciously respond with a “woo-mi, woo-mi,” her ears trembling slightly. Finally getting to properly touch her fluffy cat ears, my mood lightened considerably.
I thought about how Zhinian’s definition of “good” must differ from most people’s. I often help others, but I rarely let myself get close to their hearts, always maintaining a polite distance.
What Zhinian was really asking was probably, Why do you like me?
If an ordinary person expressed their emotions so intensely, I’d likely turn and walk away. If they did something extreme, I might even consider physical measures.
But with Zhinian, those thoughts never crossed my mind. Just seeing her bite her lip, her eyes full of me, my heart had already melted like a slime.
In a way, our childhood bond as friends did make me more tolerant of Zhinian. But I always felt that my treatment of her, as a person, was special—unrelated to status, background, or our relationship.
Suddenly, I recalled why I liked cats. It was probably because, after spending so much time with Zhinian, the cat-girl, I developed a certain flutter in my heart.
When I couldn’t see her, I unconsciously transferred that affection to cats.
Enough thinking, enough thinking. It was time to take Zhinian home.
This time, it was my turn to rummage through her backpack. It was surprisingly light, containing little besides a water bottle, so I easily found her keys.
As I carried Zhinian back to the motorcycle, the little cat-girl clung to my chest, smacking her lips, murmuring something in her sleep.
I was already very familiar with the landmarks near Zhinian’s house and remembered exactly where she lived. Before arriving, I was a bit worried about running into her mother.
After opening the door, I quickly scanned the place and let out a sigh of relief when I confirmed no one was home.
Weird… it’s almost like we’re a couple sneaking around.
Shaking my head to clear the random thoughts, I carried Zhinian to her bed and helped her take off her jacket and shoes. As for her socks… they probably don’t smell, right?
After a moment’s thought, I removed her white ankle socks and wiped her feet with a wet tissue I had on me.
“Ugh…”
Zhinian shivered unconsciously, her round toes curling up, probably tickled by the wet tissue.
After cleaning both her feet and tucking them under the blanket, I stretched, ready to head home. But out of the corner of my eye, I caught Zhinian staring at me with an ambiguous gaze, her eyes open.
“…?”
Zhinian didn’t respond. Her eyelids fluttered a few times, slowly narrowing into slits, and then she reached out her hand toward me.
“…”
What does she want?
Puzzled, I walked to the bedside, bent down, and took her hand. Unexpectedly, she tugged me, and caught off guard, I had to twist my body to avoid falling on her, ending up lying beside her.
“…”
Murmuring something like sleep-talk, Zhinian’s eyelids drooped as she groggily leaned her head toward me.
Then… under my shocked gaze, she pressed against my neck, the wet, slightly tingling sensation, combined with the novelty of a first-time experience, sent ripples through my chest.
Hmph, was this considered a forced kiss?
Helplessly staring at the ceiling, I could only maintain this awkward position, gently stroking Zhinian’s hair, waiting for her to settle down again.